returning to the hubbub (at some point)


we’ve told who-we-are-in-RL that it’s time she got back out there. she knows how to stay sane in a crazy world (couldn’t resist just name-checking it once again) but does she remember how to go a little bit crazy and have fun when needed? we’re not so sure….it’s all a bit p e a c e f u l around here in a way that some might call, well, Monastic (but Luxe)


A RETURN is needed – to the hubbub, the general whirly-girly-gig of life.

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we can handle things from the chaise with a cashmere throw and a satin eye mask.

she’s been a little Anxious, you see.

it takes a while for Editors to return calls because they are very Busy and the glamorous people who would like a Digital Check Up are often in Transition which means they like to be checked up at the weekend or after their day job and all the other things that she does (and there are a LOT, it surprised us when we helped her type up her “resume” as the Americans call it) are all rather Virtual.

and there you have it.

it’s all Terribly Very Virtual.

nearly (actually mostly all) of the Work done this year has been via what one calls Remotely.


this is merely a fancy way of saying that she sits at the one end of the french farmhouse table and the princess phone waits to be picked up and dialed1941096_765521490125966_728369704_nand on the other end there are people that need (and have asked for quite specifically) help with something digital (because she’s Rather good at all that) or (many) emails come in with commissions and so she dutifully gets in the perfectly Prius and drives to Interview people (or gets on a plane to New York to watch a preview and secretly doesn’t tell anyone until it gets published that she met the Star and the OSCAR winning director) and sometimes those Interviews don’t come off (like our one with cannottellyouwho which we Studied really hard for but there you go – it never happened) or perhaps the Word Count is a lot smaller than one would like because the sales people did not get as many pages as they needed to give space to editorial (it happens, and to all the best people too).

but the only team around here is, well, teamgloria.

and we did perfectly well handling (and writing a book and several screenplays) while she held down a very fancy day job.

so we took her aside today and went for a very long (3 hours, better believe it) walk and talked at length by the Ocean and pointed out that the book is now launched and people around the world are really enjoying it. And that lovely consulting gig that we have not been able to talk about for nigh on a year will be coming to an end in June. 1043c2a0a92911e3a6d8122fe8cbfe34_8we cleared the decks today.

with a soft HB pencil, we helped correct her “resume” as the Americans call it (CV for you Brits)

by the time we’d finished going through (with a toothcomb – again, a virtual one, of course), there was such a lot of interesting things that happened this past year that we have not been in the habit of Talking about here.

what’s that?



for instance.

this is the Summary that we made (using a very fashionable Font as you can see):

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“what about the bullet points?” she said. “I appeared on stage at Nasdaq – I need bullet points, non?”


we thought she was showing off a little until we looked at the picture and got amused at the British Government official taking 40 winks on the left.

“oh, good idea” (not that we’re That keen on bullet points but we hear they’re widely admired) “what about these?”

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we missed that one.


Susan Seidelman?? as in Desperately Seeking The Madonna?

nobody told us about That….*winkstocamera4*

“why don’t we look now at what you did in that fancy job in manhattan?”

“ok,” she said, biting her lip, thinking back and trying to arrange some useful bullet points.

“tell them about when you went to KOREA” we suggested.


then we went into the kitchen(ette) at that point and made (yet) another pot of coffee because she was really flagging and we don’t mean hailing a cab. Screen Shot 2014-03-18 at 9.13.22 PM

“how do you feel now?” we asked, with great affection but half-wondering how much longer this was going to take because a thumbdrive of british Telly had arrived in the afternoon post and we were Desperate to find out the new adventures of Mr. Selfridge…..

she did a great sigh.

and said:

“better – and ready – sort of.”

“to get back Out There?” we asked, with secret glee that the Selfridge moment was almost upon us.

“y-es” she said, sweetly and went off to wash the dishes/do the washing up because it was her turn (as clearly marked on the roster by the fridge.)

then – with her hands deep in the (american equivalent of the Fairy Liquid known as “Joy”) suds – she said, “but what happens if nobody wants me on their team?”

as the Selfridge moment was So Near (and yet, if we got into This conversation, so bloody far away) we crisply turned on the laptop (because she refuses to buy an actual television) and waved airily towards the Hollywood Hills.

“dear gods – you’ve got work booked until June! you’ve got writing assignments and consulting and a TRIP TO EUROPE (including Lunch with Several lovely Editors In Chief including the fine lady that edits this magazine in the picture below – big fan, as they say in the nicest bits of Hollywood – and we should probably remember that they Don’t say that in Croydon, not that we’re going to Croydon but you get our drift…)6c831524a97011e39d0f12e18945e0a4_8the trip to EUROPE is going to be amazing because it also includes a workshop on a Spanish Island and another one – um – is that right? or is Ibiza its own Nation State? or just a State of Mind?)

AND we get to stay with WILLIAM (and see the original TG person for a cup of tea and perch on her desk to be helpful and hopefully witty).

(there is also a Family Reunion – a large one – which will be Very Interesting as who-we-are-in-RL has not seen some of those attending for *coughs* 16 years……and some of them she’s never actually met – because they weren’t Born then)

back to the current programme, Viewers:

then we got into our stride and (sort of snapped, actually)

“and if you really had as much self-confidence as that Actress who played the Nanny and the Nun that you sound awfully like, you wouldn’t be asking such things!”

then we saw her face.

it was awful.

a bit, well, crumpled (she’s so very sensitive) dc17efd2ac8a11e383ab0a35a316edf3_8



“we know you’re just heart-broken because you sent out All those letters to agents-who-represent-writers-who-write-movies and – none of them replied”

(and that was after she bought some quite lovely ribbon to hand over one package to someone Very Important and then chickened out which is very rare for her so we knew something had gone awry)

and with that we turned back to the laptop and nodded gently when asked if we’d like a cup of tea.

we’ve changed lives before (many – MANY times actually – and this is the notebook where we started to write down ideas for this one back in 2003)

it’s all going to be fine.093ad24eab1011e3a77a125fa4dd0e8a_8

until some bastard points out that she wrote that entire article for Red that got re-printed by our cousins Down Under about “walking away” and they shot her lovely picture on the beach at Malibu and all those lovely people wrote in to the magazines and said how Inspired they were.

and when whomever that person is (don’t let it be you or we’ll be Cross), we will just point out that she Did walk away and start something new and write a book and become a foreign correspondent and do lots of things that require Bullet points on resumes and, well, when it came down to it, working virtually is (whisper it) kinda lonely.

25f095f4a6dd11e3a2d612cc71f31207_8do you know what we say when (some very misguided) people say, “you’re rather direct and honest on that blog aren’t you?”

firstly – this is not a blog.

it’s a Movement.

and secondly – when you’ve had your throat slit open – honesty suddenly becomes rather paramount in importance because you don’t want to see what might be next in the illness department because it took SUCH a Long Time to Get Well.


and anyway, we gave away all our winter coats to move West so we don’t want to go back.

which is why (now she’s all better and quite a lot slimmer but we’re not supposed to mention That either – along with the ghost writing and the mysterious consultancy and we still can’t quite work out When she had time to advise anyone like as glorious as Susan Seidelman, it Seems) we can say whatever we like.

for now.

it all Rather depends on which team she joins next.

talking of teams.

there was one application that we already sent the new resume to and it was an Educational Establishment (career change radical in nature this one would be) and so when it came to the Gender Question (for Diversity purposes) there were THREE OPTIONS (we got ever so excited).





we got so very excited thinking we’d Made it as a Gender selection.

and then we thought again and thought – oh that’s so deeply cool.



you know we Were tempted.

just to let her application really stand out.

(and if the Educational Establishment is reading this now – “hello!” – she’d actually really like the job because she saw Allison Janney play one on television and it looked really impressive).

now that made you think, didn’t it?



we didn’t ask Mr. Obama if we could join his team.

although we are a great fan, of course.

not quite as a great a fan as we are of the blonde woman in the trouser suits.


even if we still feel like we’re 4 years old and found some Amusing glasses and started to read Aloud.

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don’t speak, don’t speak…..loving-the-alien.

we reached a crashing point on emotion at Precisely (as the British Rail Talking Clock voice used to say with a Crisp and Firm diction and nary a smile) eighteen hundred hours (and a half hour for the extra sigh).

but you are going to be missed!

Please don’t.

Not sure I can – I need to tell you how much you’ll be missed.

stop. right. now.

and we got tearful (eek) in the cinema in times square (don’t ask – the movie was dreadful and why we agreed to Times Square on a SATURDAY is beyond comprehension – it fit in with dinner plans and a reservation and a sense of giving-up-control-for-once).

yesterday saw us (WHY?) saying goodbye to three very important people in our east coast life (ON THE SAME DAY?) and it all got too much at 6pm in Times Square.


this could have been the reason for the underlying collapse in any sort of keepingItTogether stiff-upper-lip (the bottom lip definitely trembled).

we had to change our address for the immigration services (we’ve got temporary living-residency-status still on the east coast and officially will be going Back and Forth and probably in Reality too as some consultancy for who-we-are-in-RL has emerged – as well as the work we are Already Doing right now).

and it always Hits us right between the Eyes.

the word ALIEN.

the immeasurably-unknowable-status-problem.

you see – we’ve never known if we could stay Here.


if we’re being Honest (and why not, tis So Refreshing and Freeing).

in many places.

shall we explain?

let’s see.

there was the simple matter of a younger sibling being born and there was not a great deal of cash and we thought there was only room for one child so we ran away from home for the first time (age 7).

the ensuing panic and trauma did not convince us that explanations were always Helpful.

painful memory.

but – you know – shone light on with a more grown-up and kindly eye – and all is well (yes, we lie).

and then the Boarding Schools (two of them) and the matter of being a Scholarship Girl (we had 4 scholarships by the last one, age 16 – and didn’t tell a soul until the letters were printed after our name in the Roll Call distributed on day 1 to Everyone – the shame – and now – the pride at having been That Clever) and having to OverAchieve (constantly – always tiring – for us and those around us) and never quite knowing if one would be “Invited Back” the next Term (michaelmas, trinity……..beautiful words).

let’s see (as we’re being totally honest – did you have breakfast? or at least a cup of tea to hand? we’re sipping coffee and Typing Fast, darlings).

various relationships where one was the lesser (in our eyes) status (economically, status, other things perhaps – but this is all good territory that has been Explored and examined and laid to rest).

during our years as a Journalist – going to the French Embassy (we had a French passport at the time – a story for another place – rather complicated parentage) and being told we would not be given another one.

walking out of the embassy – Stateless.

(the rules had changed on immigration and children-of-non-residents – complicated and heart-breaking and confusing).

we waited for (a year? no moleskine journal-keeping in those days).

many people Wrote Letters.

we (finally) got a British Passport.

then the USA.

almost 12 years: visas, more visas, losing visas, getting visas, new jobs, green card application – waiting waiting waiting waiting – and still we wait (although apparently we are in “Initial Review” which is terrifying and yet hopeful at the same time).

but if you follow the line of reasoning carefully (and there’s probably more, we’re just giving you the highlights and god-bless-you-for-reading-thus-far)……..We Chose All Those Situations.




we chose to be in all those places where we didn’t know if we could stay or felt less than or uneasy of status.

all. of. them.

we COULD have waited to see what happened on the next episode of EastEnders and had a somewhat quiet life.

but. we. didn’t.



we’ve had a HUGE life thus far.

and long may it continue.

so, yesterday, we updated our east coast address with the Alien Registration online and Fell Apart and went to have lunch with a dear friend and tried to hold it all in.

and failed by 6 O’Clock.


we took flowers to the second meeting (for tea on the upper west side).

flowers are always such a Kind Companion, non?

and then there was the matter of walking almost two miles (why?) from 91st and amsterdam (lunch with C) to 73rd and broadway (tea with Kc) to columbus circle (to swim) to Times Square (movies with NMP) and then the subway (why??) to supper uptown (very nice but rather overwrought with feeling by that point and trying to submerge aforementioned feelings with the bread basket – sigh).


and now?

it’s 08.37am on sunday morning.

just the sound of hissing pipes in the walls to bring steam heat and a sip of coffee and a siren screams past and footsteps, someone on the way to buy a newspaper perhaps, or milk, and we sit here talking to you, in the blue-blue-noel-coward-dressing gown and prepare to get up and shower and apply mascara (just a smidge)…..

……and take a train from grand central station to connecticut.


train journeys solve all bruised hearts.

as will toast in front of the telly with a doctor who episode and a deep talk over the papers while waiting for the tea to brew.


thank you JW1.

we shall arrive on the 12.02 Precisely.