we’ve told who-we-are-in-RL that it’s time she got back out there. she knows how to stay sane in a crazy world (couldn’t resist just name-checking it once again) but does she remember how to go a little bit crazy and have fun when needed? we’re not so sure….it’s all a bit p e a c e f u l around here in a way that some might call, well, Monastic (but Luxe)
A RETURN is needed – to the hubbub, the general whirly-girly-gig of life.
we can handle things from the chaise with a cashmere throw and a satin eye mask.
she’s been a little Anxious, you see.
it takes a while for Editors to return calls because they are very Busy and the glamorous people who would like a Digital Check Up are often in Transition which means they like to be checked up at the weekend or after their day job and all the other things that she does (and there are a LOT, it surprised us when we helped her type up her “resume” as the Americans call it) are all rather Virtual.
and there you have it.
it’s all Terribly Very Virtual.
nearly (actually mostly all) of the Work done this year has been via what one calls Remotely.
this is merely a fancy way of saying that she sits at the one end of the french farmhouse table and the princess phone waits to be picked up and dialedand on the other end there are people that need (and have asked for quite specifically) help with something digital (because she’s Rather good at all that) or (many) emails come in with commissions and so she dutifully gets in the perfectly Prius and drives to Interview people (or gets on a plane to New York to watch a preview and secretly doesn’t tell anyone until it gets published that she met the Star and the OSCAR winning director) and sometimes those Interviews don’t come off (like our one with cannottellyouwho which we Studied really hard for but there you go – it never happened) or perhaps the Word Count is a lot smaller than one would like because the sales people did not get as many pages as they needed to give space to editorial (it happens, and to all the best people too).
but the only team around here is, well, teamgloria.
and we did perfectly well handling teamgloria.com (and writing a book and several screenplays) while she held down a very fancy day job.
so we took her aside today and went for a very long (3 hours, better believe it) walk and talked at length by the Ocean and pointed out that the book is now launched and people around the world are really enjoying it. And that lovely consulting gig that we have not been able to talk about for nigh on a year will be coming to an end in June. we cleared the decks today.
with a soft HB pencil, we helped correct her “resume” as the Americans call it (CV for you Brits)
by the time we’d finished going through (with a toothcomb – again, a virtual one, of course), there was such a lot of interesting things that happened this past year that we have not been in the habit of Talking about here.
this is the Summary that we made (using a very fashionable Font as you can see):
“what about the bullet points?” she said. “I appeared on stage at Nasdaq – I need bullet points, non?”
we thought she was showing off a little until we looked at the picture and got amused at the British Government official taking 40 winks on the left.
“oh, good idea” (not that we’re That keen on bullet points but we hear they’re widely admired) “what about these?”
we missed that one.
Susan Seidelman?? as in Desperately Seeking The Madonna?
nobody told us about That….*winkstocamera4*
“why don’t we look now at what you did in that fancy job in manhattan?”
“ok,” she said, biting her lip, thinking back and trying to arrange some useful bullet points.
“tell them about when you went to KOREA” we suggested.
then we went into the kitchen(ette) at that point and made (yet) another pot of coffee because she was really flagging and we don’t mean hailing a cab.
“how do you feel now?” we asked, with great affection but half-wondering how much longer this was going to take because a thumbdrive of british Telly had arrived in the afternoon post and we were Desperate to find out the new adventures of Mr. Selfridge…..
she did a great sigh.
“better – and ready – sort of.”
“to get back Out There?” we asked, with secret glee that the Selfridge moment was almost upon us.
“y-es” she said, sweetly and went off to wash the dishes/do the washing up because it was her turn (as clearly marked on the roster by the fridge.)
then – with her hands deep in the (american equivalent of the Fairy Liquid known as “Joy”) suds – she said, “but what happens if nobody wants me on their team?”
as the Selfridge moment was So Near (and yet, if we got into This conversation, so bloody far away) we crisply turned on the laptop (because she refuses to buy an actual television) and waved airily towards the Hollywood Hills.
“dear gods – you’ve got work booked until June! you’ve got writing assignments and consulting and a TRIP TO EUROPE (including Lunch with Several lovely Editors In Chief including the fine lady that edits this magazine in the picture below – big fan, as they say in the nicest bits of Hollywood – and we should probably remember that they Don’t say that in Croydon, not that we’re going to Croydon but you get our drift…)the trip to EUROPE is going to be amazing because it also includes a workshop on a Spanish Island and another one – um – is that right? or is Ibiza its own Nation State? or just a State of Mind?)
AND we get to stay with WILLIAM (and see the original TG person for a cup of tea and perch on her desk to be helpful and hopefully witty).
(there is also a Family Reunion – a large one – which will be Very Interesting as who-we-are-in-RL has not seen some of those attending for *coughs* 16 years……and some of them she’s never actually met – because they weren’t Born then)
back to the current programme, Viewers:
then we got into our stride and (sort of snapped, actually)
“and if you really had as much self-confidence as that Actress who played the Nanny and the Nun that you sound awfully like, you wouldn’t be asking such things!”
then we saw her face.
it was awful.
a bit, well, crumpled (she’s so very sensitive)
“we know you’re just heart-broken because you sent out All those letters to agents-who-represent-writers-who-write-movies and – none of them replied”
(and that was after she bought some quite lovely ribbon to hand over one package to someone Very Important and then chickened out which is very rare for her so we knew something had gone awry)
and with that we turned back to the laptop and nodded gently when asked if we’d like a cup of tea.
we’ve changed lives before (many – MANY times actually – and this is the notebook where we started to write down ideas for this one back in 2003)
it’s all going to be fine.
until some bastard points out that she wrote that entire article for Red that got re-printed by our cousins Down Under about “walking away” and they shot her lovely picture on the beach at Malibu and all those lovely people wrote in to the magazines and said how Inspired they were.
and when whomever that person is (don’t let it be you or we’ll be Cross), we will just point out that she Did walk away and start something new and write a book and become a foreign correspondent and do lots of things that require Bullet points on resumes and, well, when it came down to it, working virtually is (whisper it) kinda lonely.
do you know what we say when (some very misguided) people say, “you’re rather direct and honest on that blog aren’t you?”
firstly – this is not a blog.
it’s a Movement.
and secondly – when you’ve had your throat slit open – honesty suddenly becomes rather paramount in importance because you don’t want to see what might be next in the illness department because it took SUCH a Long Time to Get Well.
and anyway, we gave away all our winter coats to move West so we don’t want to go back.
which is why (now she’s all better and quite a lot slimmer but we’re not supposed to mention That either – along with the ghost writing and the mysterious consultancy and we still can’t quite work out When she had time to advise anyone like as glorious as Susan Seidelman, it Seems) we can say whatever we like.
it all Rather depends on which team she joins next.
talking of teams.
there was one application that we already sent the new resume to and it was an Educational Establishment (career change radical in nature this one would be) and so when it came to the Gender Question (for Diversity purposes) there were THREE OPTIONS (we got ever so excited).
we got so very excited thinking we’d Made it as a Gender selection.
and then we thought again and thought – oh that’s so deeply cool.
you know we Were tempted.
just to let her application really stand out.
(and if the Educational Establishment is reading this now – “hello!” – she’d actually really like the job because she saw Allison Janney play one on television and it looked really impressive).
now that made you think, didn’t it?
we didn’t ask Mr. Obama if we could join his team.
although we are a great fan, of course.
not quite as a great a fan as we are of the blonde woman in the trouser suits.
even if we still feel like we’re 4 years old and found some Amusing glasses and started to read Aloud.