#shocking (and we don’t mean schiaparelli)


Sometimes one gets Rather Shocked by life (or not Life per se, life is delicious, more the humans that reside therein).

We are a little shaken.

May we share?

You are most kind.

So you may recall that we are having some Issues (as the americans call it) opening a bank account while our S corp still resides properly on the Other Coast……..so we went to the Small business Association and they said Find a Lawyer and so we called the Bar Association (which is all about lawyers and not places where they sell beverages) and asked their Referal Service for help.



We just saw one.

And he (*sighs*) did not listen to what we needed but kept Talking (about his friends and who he knows) and we got a bit bored and slid our Paperwork across the table and smiled nicely and asked very simply how he could obtain us a business license so we could operate in CA.

He (barely) paused and told us it would cost us a minimum of One Thousand Dollars and then he would Bill against that (it still wasn’t clear how much the actual Task would cost).

Have you done this specific task before we asked (nicely but firmly).

There was no answer just more about how he bills and what he knows.

Then he asked about our bank and we said we would like to approach Comerica bank because they celebrate female entrepreneurs.

How?he said.

We said they award prizes and assert nice words.

And he looked surprised.

And that’s why you want to give them your money?


(We like having Values).

It was clear by this point that we did not have our check/cheque book out.

In fact we started to wrap up the meeting rather nicely saying we had a couple of other attorneys to meet and would let him know.

And then it came…….the payoff…..

Despite having told him all about who-we-are-in-RL bio and the book deal and all he looked at us in a Really creepy way and said

What is your business?  Is it an escort service?


No. It is not.

We said.


And left.

The worst bit is that we still don’t have an attorney.


Thanks for listening darlings.

Btw, as the young people say, no judgement at all against people in the skin trade but we are dressed Very modestly, as always, and it was a definite shock to hear that.

Isn’t it delicious to be able to tell you about it though and not have to keep it locked inside like ladies used to?


26 thoughts on “#shocking (and we don’t mean schiaparelli)

  1. hurray, so my feelings – expressed on twitter – didn’t betray me, a lady lawyer it is? :)

    aubrey’s anecdote reminded me of something outrageous that happened to me – in berlin of course. I was enjoying a fabulous white wine and lobster on pasta bed, in a small but unbearably hip restaurant that’s closed now. there were three of us lifestyle editors, pretty ladies in their mid-to-end-twenties, dressed à la mode but innocently so.

    suddenly two short italian men sitting at the next table approached us and introduced themselves.
    compliments, compliments.
    they couldn’t but notice that much beauty and grace.
    and they were in the porn business and wondered if the ladies were interested.

    to cite from bbc’s sherlock “how many times did he fall out the window?” – “can’t remember, it’s all in a blur.”

      1. hm. we weren’t really harassed, whilst ihollaback is designed for harassment victims. we simply received an unpleasant invitation but we didn’t feel threatened.

        also: the guys have regretted their action. as in: deeply regretted. Russian girls are the definition of cruel.

  2. You were probably dressed too modestly for LA and your good look… it was suspicious.
    And pardon my language but this lawyer is such a badhass/asshole! Has he ever won a case? Such a looser…
    Touch wood, you’ll surely find very time soon the juridical key to your business success in CA!

  3. Whew. Reading this right before bed time was dangerous because I am now so mad that I would…*fill in the blank*…if I was face to face with that *…*. And pardon my language but oh la la!
    Looks like I am not alone. Your peeps love you and want the best for you. I am still fuming…

  4. Dearest G
    Even though he is shocked by nothing The Dandy raises an eyebrow in a mixture of surprise and displeasure at this anecdote.
    How vile.
    I do hope a refreshing cup of sweet tea an sufficient sympathy was on hand.
    If not, may I send it by air mail?
    Yours ever
    The Perfumed Dandy

  5. Holy moley! If I were not such a sweet-tempered person (and if I were violent, which I’m not- I’m more a lover than a fighter, as it were. Ha!) I would want to kick that vile creature’s ass – a case of kicking an *arse* in *his*! I’m disgusted that you had to put up with such troglyditic behaviour from a syphilitic excuse for a “man”.
    I am so glad to hear that you look to have found a hotshot lady lawyer instead. You will do great, teamgloria. It’s just a shame you had to encounter, er, Mr Legal Jerkwad first.
    Good luck to you,
    George :)

  6. *shudder* That is everything I fear about LA all in one post. Ugh. So sorry for your horrors, and so sorry for him for being such a…. fucknut. (I rarely use such ugly words but he earned it.) And yes, please write one of your fabulous letters. That’s completely offensive. Sending you mental floss so you can clear your mind of the exchange! xo

    1. it just helps getting this stuff out, you know?

      and knowing that lovely people like you are listening and get it.

      plus we felt so angry that we got all Fired UP and made a bunch of enquiries/inquiries and think we found ourselves a hotshot (lady) lawyer.

      more soon…..

  7. Should have kicked him in the nuts. Get him struck off via an official complaint to the bar council equivalent. Ignorant unprofessional ingrate.

    Yours lovingly

    W xx

    1. darling man – thank you for being in our corner.

      so not worth it, sadly, in America.

      one never wins against an attorney.

      best to Share and Move On – plus we think we found ourselves a hotshot (lady) lawyer so the Impetus to get Cross was not wasted.


        1. ‘Hades! The Ladies!’

          Had to get that out.

          The man is obviously a Philistine and a blackguard. Dismiss him. Ignore him. Mock him.

          May I share an anecdote? My ex-sister-in-law and I had been out dancing and were sitting at Ben Frank’s coffee-shop for coffee and nibbley-bits. A man walked in, looked us up and down, then asked, ‘So girls, how’s business?’

          I’ll admit that I was wearing green fishnets at the time.

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