blue dawn to a rainstorm of lost souls.


we took three pictures today and just wanted to post them here before we say goodnight.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAthere was a strange torrential rainstorm in los angeles today – the city looks so odd under dark clouds, they come so rarely – we got stopped by the weather while driving along hollywood boulevard – past the bit where grown-up people dress up as characters from movies – all the way past the re-development of what was once glorious and now, at street level, is scary and full of deranged souls trying to escape from their miserable existence – usually one doesn’t see these people (much) – not in the centre of town anyway – the forgotten have usually moved slowly down towards the beaches and sit there, surrounded by their last worldly belongings – or someone else’s cast-offs and now claimed and suddenly imbued with significance from a life they didn’t lead – and so the traffic slowed to a halt and we caught the eyes of some of the tortured souls, dragging their soaked possessions in the rain – and we almost could not take how much we felt – we never talk about this kind of thing (here) but sometimes we think about a woman we financially support through a good kind charitable organization who lives in africa – we’ve done this for a few years – it feels good – but today we thought about closer-to-home and we remembered the first christmas eve that we spent in los angeles – back in 2001 – when we drove with a convoy of people-trying-to-make-a-difference all the way downtown to skid row and our trunks/boots/backofthecar was filled (like the other cars in the convoy) with donations and at the appointed place we were told to open the trunks – but we were So Naive – we’d never seen anything like skid row before – we thought we’d be allowed to go and give the bags of clothes and talk awhile – but we could not – it was an anarchist society with its own rules that night – sadly we were extra naive because we left a whole bunch of paperwork and music-to-weep-by-on-cds (mostly from the mid-80s) and as soon as the trunks were opened Everything Was Gone.

it was sort of liberating (to lose what we did not need) – and terrifying to see such want and need from others.

this is an odd post for us.

just the rainstorm and the lost souls made us think.

we have nothing to complain about.




11 thoughts on “blue dawn to a rainstorm of lost souls.

  1. I hear you, TG. When (and where) I grew up, homelessness simply didn’t exist. You just didn’t worry about such things. You were worried about the Bomb. In fact, I thought i could come down every day as a child. But being poor or homeless wasn’t part of the society game. So when I first saw the clash of poor vs wealthy in Germany, then in France etc., it was like somebody took the ground from my feet. Life is complicated before it gets simple: say No to everything you don’t need (aka really want, not ad-like want or must-have-want or status-want), and don’t feed your ego or it will be your master.

    1. it’s amazing to live here (chez, on the interweb) and experience a tiny bit of other’s Tales – yes – we looked fearfully at the sky for mushroom clouds over england our entire teen years.

      which is why the tumo(u)rs were such a shock when the DR said “where were you when chernobyl went off?” and we gulped – the bomb Had gone off – and we might have been affected by the radiation as a result.

      1. that’s just horrible. was the DR “medically kidding” or was it his/her best net where tobias came from?

        and what makes me mad is that politicians DON’T LEARN (*points at fukushima*) and that the industry, in addition, keeps throwing sickening stuff at us pretending it’s “safe in small amounts”. gosh, it’s in everything. how small is that amount?

        re chernobyl, I remember how we scanned EVERYTHING with a geiger counter, from milk to dog food, because none of us believed stuff was safe. I mean come on: they’ve sent workers into the nuke zone in wifebeaters and work trousers! it scares you to bits as a kid when you realise the amount of cynicism of a state toward its own population…

      2. best BET obviously. I can’t stop safari from autocorrecting (a bug prob. due to the multilingual use of apps and programs), it’s SO annoying.

  2. I so identify with the image – that sometimes we have this idea of the kindness we want to give the world, the personal touch we want to offer as we hand out our help, our love, our kind words, and we’re confronted with that sudden powerful aggressive rush of need and hunger, and the assault of desperation is shocking. And then we realize we’ve been liberated, that our own needs have somehow dissipated. It can be so intense.

  3. Julia and Heather – you are both so kind – it is truly helpful to know that other people feel like this too. Compassion is good for the Soul! And probably nice for the complexion too with all that inner light.


    tg xx

  4. oh, i know this feeling so so much.
    in fact, just an hour ago when i went to run some errands, i opened the door for a homeless woman who obviously wanted to sit in the mall for a while because the winter has come back to berlin and it’s very cold again.
    while living in berlin, i had to learn to deal with those feelings. i think, i inherited it from my mum… i am always overwhelmed when i sea poor lost souls. i can’t help but look into their eyes. and then it becomes hard to handle.
    my mum is always so close to tears when she sees homeless people, and it’s even worse when they have a dog with them.
    since i am in berlin i have learned the huge difference between compassion and pity for someone. (in german the words are Mitgefühl = compassion and Mitleid = pity).
    as soon as you feel pity you are dragged into this feeling, i think, whereas compassion is positive. it still allows you to stand outside, feel for the other person but not get dragged into those feelings where you can hardly handle it anymore.
    ((just some thoughts))
    xxx j.

  5. If anything, I think you are remembering that you have much to be grateful for.

    I feel the same. Yesterday evening I stocked up on a few things at the local mini-shop. When I turned the corner towards home, there was a young man calmly but methodically opening up and looking through the store’s trash. He had already pulled out a bottle of juce and a wrapped pastry. I offered him a packet of Wasa crackers, one of the only easily eadible things I had bought (the rest was coffee and the like). His dog was nearby and I asked if he needed anything and he assured me that he had kibble for him. I wished him “Bon Courage” but the thought of him stayed with me all evening. Perhaps because he did not seem to be a tortured soul or under the fog of any addicition. He actually smiled faintly with surprise that I approached him. He could be any of us.

    I know it is not at all the same type of experience and that yours must have been frightening. I was in Mali in 2002 and the frantic pull on my wrists from begging children and families in Timbuktu still haunts me.

    Hoping sincerely that today is a brighter day for you. As I have written before, sometimes we have to embrace the shadows to better trace out the light.

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