solitude and reading in silence.

darlings

a lovely sunday – how was yours?

snowy, in many areas – from London to Paris and Berlin – according to the lens on many varied and wonderful lives that is instagram.

but there are still roses, blood red roses, clinging to the whitewashed walls far up the island of manhattan as Joseph just sent a lovely photograph.

Here in los angeles? Hot. And sunny. Divine.

After the Drama of waking up on the Floor due to the aero bed collapsing (rogue nail on floor), we headed out early – no fan of shopping per se – and got to The store “bed, bath and beyond”(what *would* be beyond?) while the shop associates were still engaged in their morning Pep Talk from a middle-aged chap in a shirt and tie but no jacket (for tis 70+ degrees Here right now and perhaps BBB is not what one would call a Formal Establishment).

A lady in Vivid lipstick and a kind.smile Pounced on us and asked if we needed Help.

Yes. And we have a List.

We said, calmly (although we get very overwhelmed in Large Shops).

Great!

They said, most enthusiastically, and we held out the List in defense to stay on track (we are rarely swayed by the opportunistic lunch boxes or strange vast bags of mini chocolates positioned en route).

We managed to get in and out in 20 mins, zooming out of the multistorey car park in record time; List Fulfilled.

The new aero bed is fabulous.

After a long walk around the new locale, we decided to spend hours with our pile of library books, a bowl of vaguely healthy cereal and lots of lemon-slices-in-cool-water.

image

image

Admiring the sunset flitting through the screen behind the window….

image

Getting up occasionally to re-position the new scented (lavender and fresh cotton) city-gents-striped drawer and shelf liners.

image

As you see, we have very little On the shelves. But they are now prepped for our belongings to arrive.

We lie in solitude; reading in silence.

Feeling very lucky to be back.

And feeling as if we are changing rapidly. New responses to what would have floored us before. Pressure Of other’s expectations. We cannot slip back into old patterns. We have learned much by writing here and exploring the world – literally and figuratively – by camera and by pen (or digital keyboard). Not everyone appears to grasp that gloria is our best self. So dismissing this. Or ignoring it is really just a way of showing us that they don’t know us at all.

But there again it took tobias and his sisters to reveal So much that we had never acknowledged.

Recently someone said:

But everything is all right Now, right??

And we smiled sadly and said:

It doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

And they seemed annoyed. Like one is Just meant to get Over Things.

We don’t need to talk about tobias. But we are not going to pretend it didn’t happen just so other people can feel safe. Things happen.

What one Does with it is the great thing.

And on a personal note (actually all of this is personal, darlings), we decided that swallowing our words and frustrations and true feelings might Well have contributed to getting three Tumo(u)rs in our Throat.

So we’re not going to do That again.

Because we don’t want to wake up after surgery again. In so Much pain we thought we would never recover. We prefer the sunshine peeking through the white 80s style blinds in California and a blue blue sky.

image

#divine.

6 comments on “solitude and reading in silence.

  1. Reading in silence.
    Delicious.
    Your excursion (adventure?) in/to BB and Beyond made me smile…

    This: “Like one is Just meant to get Over Things.”
    America seems to be all about “Smile And Move On or At Least Pretend for the Crowds and Maybe Convince Yourself” et cetera et cetera.

    I don’t think we shed Profound Experiences (of all sorts) quite so easily. I don’t think we “move on” either. Someone said to me once, the reality is more like move through and even that doesn’t guarantee that we reach an Other Side that is without being significantly changed.

    These are our stories. Why would we pretend otherwise? Ah yes. Expectations. Spin. Necessary mask. Je comprends. Je sais jouer.

    (Smiling and waving to the crowd, As Expected, from the other side of the country.)

    • Dearest D – it is profoundly helpful reading your words, thank you.

      Yes.

      It is *through*. That is Exactly how it feels.

      Apparently it is going to Rain Here Today. We are shocked. Spoiled already ;)

do say something - do :-)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s