are we on a Bad Batch of synthroid?
can that happen?
Is there a sell-by-date (we checked, on the horrible orange bottle, seems not)?
Do they cut the synthroid with something weird or is it pure (maybe we don’t want to Know – it’s not like we have. a Choice, darlings – no Thyroid – got to replace its myriad functions with Something Synthetic)?
so yesterday (and no we didn’t tell anyone because we just wanted to get Through It and Work it Out and going to a Hospital for the second time this week was Not on the calendar plus what are they going to do – they’ll just tell us to Rest – which we Did).
did they take too much blood on monday?
We used to give Tons (well, ok, not tons, but, you know, a healthy amount on a regular basis for the British Blood Banks……..until we moved to the USA and the blood-bank-people told us they don’t take English sanguine-ness – shhhhh* – anymore).
Back to Yesterday –
At noon we wrapped up a meeting and felt Fine but tired and got Some More Caffeine.
Then all hell broke loose inside our head.
Buzzing, dizzy-weird-ness, confused vision.
We’d like to tell you that we threw out the coffee at that point.
But that would be a lie.
And we attempt to stick to Honesty here (under the delicious cloak of anonymity that one day may we either delicately-allowed-to-fall-away or rudely trashed – who knows, darlings – the Fates shall decide).
So we drained the coffee.
And the head went berserk.
We realized we hadn’t eaten for a while so perhaps we’d overloaded our delicate adrenals (our Long Suffering Adrenals from years-gone-by, poor lambs) and needed to soak up the caffeine with……
Yeah, we weren’t really thinking straight.
We needed to get outside Into the Air and drink a lot of water. We walked briskly round the block with what felt like an impending headache or migraine, if we were going to be dramatic, which You know we Do indulge in on the Odd occasion.
Sandwich shops, cafes, all packed. We panicked a little and slipped into a cool, dark, sushi joint and sat at the counter, drank three glasses of water straight down (did we just get diabetes?) and ate sashimi and a california roll, for comfort from the Other Coast.
Did we call anyone?
The idea of using a phone felt too much in our weariness and dizzy spell-ness.
Got back to the office and crawled by the window to attempt to meditate and re-align where no one could see us by the desk. It didn’t work.
We had a meeting Out of the Office and just decided to Get through It. The air and distraction would help, we were sure (in our moment on insanity).
The meeting was Odd. But we asked all the right questions and it was enjoyable and informative and weirdly trippy with the buzzy head and blurring of vision out of our right eye.
Like we were Inside the Matrix and the life outside was folding in on our right side as Reality bent inwards.
At this point it occurred to us that yes, as we’d suspected all these years, we’re not Real.
Stick with us on this one – we felt like half of our vision was turning inside itself (are our new prescription reading glasses ok? Are we reading too much? Is the not sleeping all the way through the night since Synthroid came into our life catching up with us) so we had a Panic attack.
Inside our head.
And then something said – Go Home.
We left the meeting – found a cab – got almost home and felt we might throw up (food poisoning?) so we walked the last bit holding onto the buildings that were moving (in our head, there Wasn’t An Earthquake in manhattan late PM ;)
Opened the door and instantly Our Batteries Failed.
We’re not powered by Batteries, fear not, but the synthroid appears to have the same effect.
No more power.
Literally passed out (having set an alarm with foresight while in the cab and managed to throw the mobile phone on the couch).
Woke up two hours later and went to the Private View at Staley Wise.
And Felt Refreshed as if our batteries had been re-charged.
We had a Malfunction – no more power available – but is it serious or is it just a combination of eleven years of waiting-for-a-green-card stress, working as a woman-in-corporate-America, post-surgery recovery, no thyroid, no parathyroid glands, massive dosage of synthroid, cRaZY manhattan competition on the streets for power, cabs, Caffeine (and – ahem – still on the sugar but definitely Weaning Off and down), being une femme d’un certain age (almost but not Quite there, yet enjoying the glam curves and long hair and general ohRightTheywereNeverListeningAnyway realization of what decent corset-ry and luscious locks and swimming four to five times a week physique does to certain people), the Travel and the stress and the…………………………………(I n s e r t. H e r e)…………………(The list g o e s O n ;)
Maybe All of that caught up with us yesterday.
And we just Had to Lie Down.
We feel fine today.
But it was terrifying between 1pm and 5.15pm.
We are shocked to admit that it took re-reading this maybe three times before we picked up the blackberry and called in Sick to work and then went back to bed – blinds open, windows open, sunshine filling the room – and cried with relief at having taken care of Ourselves.
It’s shocking, isn’t it?
No wonder our Batteries Died – or gave up in disgust.
Update: 12 noon: slept four hours until 11am and we are taking in a little sunshine and a lot of h2o.